All She Needs
by whistlewhileyouwrite
Summary: She needed him more than she knew, but after everything that had happened, she wasn't sure he knew. She needed him back, with her, where he belonged. Alternate ending to 4x21.


**Hey y'all! Finally getting around to posting more of what I have written here, as most of it has been exclusively on Tumblr and my life is insanely hectic. This is my thoughts on how the ending of 4x21 should have gone down. But, as always, we can't get what we wish for (even if fan ideas are more lovable than the writers!)**

 **Please leave thoughts, reactions, ideas, etc. Come find me on Tumblr for more stories (but I promise I will get them all here in due time!).**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own "Chicago PD" or any characters associated with it.**

* * *

"I'm actually alright. I'm exhausted. I'm gonna head home," she said giving probably the lamest excuse she's ever given to her friends.

"But, happy birthday," she says, turning to lean in to give her boyfriend? Ex? Partner? A kiss on the cheek. Neither were sure where they stood. The five second meeting of her lips on his cheek was enough to make her long for her lips to feel every part of his body. After her day, she needed him. Home, with her, in their bed, because it wasn't "her bed" now. It was always their bed and it would stay that way as long as he would have her. Her earlier thoughts about their relationship status was enough to reassure her of one thing, Jay Halstead was still her boyfriend, and her partner. That she knew for sure.

Throwing a quick and maybe even half-hearted goodbye at the boys and Gabby, she turned so they wouldn't see her tears. So Jay wouldn't see how today affected her. Because she knew him well enough to know that the minute he spotted her tears, he would abandon his birthday celebration to comfort her. It was then that she realized this was the first birthday of his they would have spent together as a couple if Abby hadn't fucked everything up. That was another thing, she didn't blame Jay or herself, she blamed the girl that brought on all this crap that now existed in her life that led her to go home, alone, when all she needed and wanted was the comfort of the man she loved.

"Hey, Erin, wait up," she heard behind her. Of course he would come after her. Like she said, she knew him that well. She had almost made it out the door, but it was now time to turn and face the music.

"You okay?" he asked, his voice softening to the level it was always at when he was with her. Comforting her. Loving her.

Even as she turned around, trying to blink back tears and avoid his eyes, she could see the expression on his face. It was supposed to be a happy day for him, celebrating being a year older and still alive what with their line of work. He didn't need her issues bringing him down.

But as she focused on his face, she lost all self-control, her heart disobeying her mind as she shook her head back and forth.

"He was only 14," she said, her voice cracking at the end. The look on his face killed her. But his eyes told a different story. One about his past she actually knew of. He knew what it felt like to take an innocent life, and maybe that's why she wanted him home with her, even for just a night. If she was honest with herself, she had been thinking of that all day since his story during lunch the day before. He said it wasn't ideal, and frankly, she didn't think so either. What would be ideal is if he was home, with her, because that's all that mattered anymore.

Before she could escape further to most likely cry herself to sleep, she felt his arms around her. The arms that from day one she admired and drooled over. The arms that played many roles when they had sex, whether it be slow and sensuous or fast and intense. The arms that held her after days like today. The ones she wished she would be curled up in when she got home.

Except she wouldn't be.

For a brief moment again, she savored the feel, hoping that between the kiss on his check and this hug that she could gather some comfort and find some little bit of solace to be able to sleep even a little tonight. Because lord knew she was getting very little sleep tonight, for the fear her own demons would come back.

That hug ended quicker that she wanted, even as she was the one to break it. The slight push against his firm chest somehow gave her the strength to walk away. It shouldn't though.

"I'll see you," she almost whispered, pushing the door of Molly's to make her exit. She didn't have to turn and see that his face was broken too. Just like she knew both their hearts were in that moment.

The moment she stepped out of Molly's and heard the door thud shut, Erin braced herself against the cold bricks outside, letting herself be somewhat calmed by the silence and the still chilly Chicago air. She swore to herself she would wait until she was home to let it all out, but seeing Jay and his asking if she was okay, broke her. His piercing blue eyes that were simultaneously filled with hurt and love broke her heart. She wanted nothing more than to run back inside and feel his arms wrap around her, feel his lips on hers and his fingers on her cheeks as he would wipe away the tears she knew would fall.

She was so lost in her thoughts, she didn't hear the door open.

"Erin," he said, his voice sounding more broken than before. She turned to look at him, jacket on and the bottle of whiskey she had gifted him in his arms. There was only one thought going through her mind in that instant. Not wondering if he loved his present, seeing as how during one of their last date nights, he spoiled them to a glass of this exact whiskey, knowing both glasses cost more than their meals combined. Not the fact he had actually left his own "surprise" party to follow her. Not the fact his jacket was on, bottle repackaged and keys in hand. Just one thought.

Fuck it.

She ran into him, sobs escaping her as she cried into his chest, letting the dull sound of his heartbeat under layers of warmth soothe her. Her arms barley wrapped around his broad frame with his down jacket on, but she managed, because she needed him close to her. She was so hyperaware in that moment, she felt his lips find her forehead, all while whispering he loved her, that it would be okay, and trying to quiet her sobs. The fingers of his free hand ran through her hair and stopping briefly to rub short but soothing circles between her shoulder blades.

This is what she needed.

And like always, he read her mind.

"What do you need, babe?" he whispered. The endearment was purposely there, showing that he cared and he wasn't here as a partner, he was here as her other half. Screw the six degrees of separation thing they had going on, she only needed one thing.

"I, I need," she tried, her words broken by the sobs subsiding in her chest, "I need you. I need you now and always."

His hand stopped its ministrations to cradle her face, and as she looked up into his own eyes, she no longer saw fear. But instead there was only love. That alone gave her the strength to speak.

"I need you to come home, and I mean home, home. Not in two homes where you only come over to eat and have sex, but where you're there. With me. Forever."

He didn't verbalize an answer. Instead, he showed her his answer.

His lips met hers, and right then, she felt whole, that maybe all was right in the world. That kiss was soft but meaningful. It was full of promises and love and words unspoken, but she knew him and he knew her and they knew what those words were.

Whether they stayed like that for minutes or hours, she didn't care. It was everything she wanted and more. But she didn't find herself dreading the end when he pulled back, their foreheads now touching as his hand remained on her face, his thumb brushing away tears as she knew it would.

"Then let's go home," he whispered, and that was all she needed to hear.


End file.
